Monday, July 30, 2012 2:19 AM
Denial
Wont deny it doesnt hurt. Cause it does, but grateful all this is over. Im not working at a job which force me to interact. Not together with someone who i try hard to please and still feel inadequate. One thing quo status will be this hell hole. But honestly, whats so different, it has been for years. Just yearning so much for myself to get outtttt!!! That will have to wait.
Looking back, im glad for all the memories, all the unhappy times or happy times, this job has made me learnt alot. Met people who still is and will be part of my life. The psychopaths who made me stronger, those friendly people who made those trips memorable. It a chapter of my life closed. TIME TO START TO GET USED TO NEW LIFESTYLE.=[
One thing i realised recently,okay, recalled i should say. I can be heartless when i want. I keep thinking of all the hurt i go through until i feel so numbed and its like they dont matter anymore. Until i remembered, i did that to R before. And at that moment i start to regret being that harsh. But really, what use isit gonna be being nice? Nothings gonna get done, nothings ending. All
Im allowing is myself another chance to hurt myself or hurt that person once more. Not fair to anyone of us.
And i have learnt the hard way isnt it? That the ones with the ability to numbed me are those who will hurt me no matter what. When i have nothing they want, they dont stop demanding, they increase it. They always strike where it hurt the most and expect me to forgive and forget. Leave me alone when they feel like and only think of me when they want to. The people who think they have the right to demand things of me when they dont deserve shit. Yet time and time again i be the fool and chose to do it their way until i realised, im losing myself. Im not living for myself. And i broke loose. So you people can deal with this when i turn my back against you all and go my own way.
