these few days i was just being a total ass. okay maybe ass doesnt even cover it. im just mean and maybe deep down, i always am.and i hate myself for it. but i guess its just my way of coping. how does it feel to be in a job and they tell you to consider your suitability for the job. its just i dont know. i always think im not good enough for it anyway but to have someone tell it to my face is just another feeling i cant even describe. i just dont know how to deal with this anymore. im tired of crying. tired of trying. tired of acting. im sick of crying and then acting fine. im sick of telling people im coping well.im sick of acting like nothing wrong when inside im drowning. im sick of asking myself if im not good enough for this simple thing, then what am i good for. im sick of this job always putting me down, (not that i wasnt down before). i always find something to be happy about. like finally ending work, sightseeing, etc. but nowadays, these things no longer cheer me up. i dread going home and opening my email to see yet another mail of disappointment and inadequate of me. i dread ending the day and wonder is this another cdf i dont know about. i dread ending work i also dread going for it. after time passes i realise theres no point talking about things. things that no one really understand. things that people think is just a job, things that people say happens everywhere. things that people arent interested in. so you know, it time to keep it to yourself.
baby, thanks for everything. just having you makes things bearable. i know my attitude hasnt been the best lately.(not the worst yet=x) thanks for tolerating my nonsense. Love you! *[[lenice]]*

i’m just who I am, who I suppose to be.
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