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Wednesday, April 6, 2011 2:06 AM
101 things on my mind

came back from london on mon. met up with love for awhile before he has to go back to camp. These days i sent him to camp more than he sent me to the airport. But the trip home never seems to get better. everytime i tell myself i will see you soon.but how soon is the next question. Today met up with swit hart to go swimming although we talked more than we swim. After that we went for massage.=] and one sentence she said got stuck in my head "you are afraid to lose that person because he/she matters to you"
She never fails to make me think and today she made me realise maybe i changed.
i know i made alot of exceptions for him.
maybe what you think is gonna come true,
maybe someday what im afraid of will eventually happen,
maybe it wont be me giving up after all.
maybe im afraid that it will someday be too much for him
maybe all this will change when the situation change.
maybe when time passes, thing changes, we might just not be the same anymore.
maybe im being too rationale for my own good.
maybe im being too sensible about all this.
maybe sometimes im not expecting things like what other expect me to.
maybe i have never throw a tantrum to him.
maybe we have never quarrelled.
maybe for us, its all fast.
maybe he's gonna be alright without me.
maybe like you said, this all just might a game
maybe you think this relationship isnt good for me.
maybe sometimes im too strong on the outside yet a wreck inside,
maybe im not used to telling people what i feel inside,
maybe because im usually the one to not give a shit and this time it changed
maybe i dont dare to do or ask things because i dont want to know what is the answer maybe the balance is lost.
maybe the problem lies with me.
after a whole day of thinking, taking a step back to see things, im more than sure of what i should do. it really doesnt matter and the only reason i need is you. i wish i look this cute when i sulk i need you by my side cause im not strong enough without you.


on a side note, i feel guilt everytime. saying sorry doesnt make the guilt go away.yet its all i can say. all i want is for you to be doing well. maybe you lost trust and faith, and thats exactly why we didnt work out even though i tried hard. because from the start, we hang on a thin string. i cant forget your past, you are constantly in disbelief of the future. we both dont have trust at all. all along you know its a nsa, we both know what we were doing. so whatever else i say are just a pile of rubbish trying to justify my actions.

*[[lenice]]*


*[[lenice]]*


i’m just who I am, who I suppose to be.
bold italic underline strike
it's so over.


February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
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October 2012