Had a great weekend with baby, kh, timon and adeline.
Went for a swim, timbre dinner and jap buffet<3
Baby went for family dinner with me on sun. Granny gave him a big grin despite not remembering him. Cute!(^(00)^)



After the weekend, of course i have to work. Went back training with billy shushu, ivan bro and adeline love!=]] i miss training days! Wish we have more than 3days!






I been wanting to eat thai smile for awhile now and recently keep eating! I never get sick of always eating the same thing and im glad adeline isnt sick too! I get her accompany for food i love!! We are fussy yet simple eater! *hugs*





*[[lenice]]*
-walking to thai smile now!!=]]]]
























Met love for lunch at nex at grandma's!
After that we met again for late dinner at thai smile.why am i craving for it again?!!

At phuture i Met 2 marcus and one josh! Had a fun time with love and of course not fogetting all the velvet rope, sleigh driver and sour plum shots!

To end the night, on the way back the cab i was in tire puncture so i had to wait for 45mins for the uncle to change tire. The tp asked if i was okay. And i said im fine except my feet hurts, then he stun for like a moment. He did ask me if my feet hurt badly though later. And reminded me about the running taxi fare. Meanwhile this cute tp was my temp eye candy for the whole agonizing 45mins where my feet hurts and i feel like an idiot.

Baby also accompanied me when i was waiting.=]]Although i wonder why hes awake. Hehes. i'm gonna hold you to that promise! And i will start saving in june...... Of next year!=x
*[[lenice]]*
-using my iphone!









Finally met up with BFF after so long =]]. had dinner with him and of course a htht before meeting up with love=]]]. (coincidentally i realised we were wearing black!) had thai smile. i crave the tomyam there while im typing this not forgetting the mango sticky rice.=[ after that we went for a drink. the rest are history. had so much beer,im gonna stay off for awhile. meanwhile i think hard liquor is fine.=x

gonna meet love later!! and maybe a dinner date!

i told myself to get a life and although its hard. im trying.i cant revolve my world around you because i look at swit hart and i see myself.
*[[lenice]]*
-its always hard trying to know what you want and what you should do.


enjoyed the pool and did some reading while in delhi. of course i ordered room service and didnt even stepped out of the hotel.
while i was in delhi, it happened to be our 2nd mth tgt. how time flies and i always feel it like longer than these 2mths. after i came back, had dinner with baby and my parents before he had to book in. the dinner was no comment.=x
i look around me and i feel tired. i dont know why i expected something different for a change.i wish for once,you would look around and realise this world is not about you. just because you feel unfair and bias, it doesnt mean we owe you anything. it doesnt mean that whenever we give in,you deserve it. you didnt earned anything. sometimes i make excuses for you and myself. i blame the circumstances. i blame the upbringing. but i know its just an excuses. at the bottom line, its about how you think.
i have learned to not leave my shite to others because theres no one to depend on besides myself. i come down hard on myself because deep down inside, i have a certain standard set for myself. maybe after all this time, im still immature, i still depend on my parents to a certain extent.we all have time where we pack and run, leave the responsibility to others,be wilful and act like we have the right to still act like a child and ignore the cruel truth. but in the end you have to learn how to grow. nobody is entitiled to anything.everything you do have a repercussion and its time you learn how to handle it.
but just for your info. maturity doesnt comes with age. it doesnt mean you are older, you get wiser. all of us dont like restraints,reponsibility. yet we have no choice. its time you start taking responsibility for your own life, own faults. it doesnt mean anything when you appear that you can handle life, you are mature enough. then you go and do things that proves us wrong.i just wish you know how disappointed im with you. but more disappointed with myself because i see myself in you.
*[[lenice]]*


these few days i was just being a total ass. okay maybe ass doesnt even cover it. im just mean and maybe deep down, i always am.and i hate myself for it. but i guess its just my way of coping. how does it feel to be in a job and they tell you to consider your suitability for the job. its just i dont know. i always think im not good enough for it anyway but to have someone tell it to my face is just another feeling i cant even describe. i just dont know how to deal with this anymore. im tired of crying. tired of trying. tired of acting. im sick of crying and then acting fine. im sick of telling people im coping well.im sick of acting like nothing wrong when inside im drowning. im sick of asking myself if im not good enough for this simple thing, then what am i good for. im sick of this job always putting me down, (not that i wasnt down before). i always find something to be happy about. like finally ending work, sightseeing, etc. but nowadays, these things no longer cheer me up. i dread going home and opening my email to see yet another mail of disappointment and inadequate of me. i dread ending the day and wonder is this another cdf i dont know about. i dread ending work i also dread going for it. after time passes i realise theres no point talking about things. things that no one really understand. things that people think is just a job, things that people say happens everywhere. things that people arent interested in. so you know, it time to keep it to yourself.
baby, thanks for everything. just having you makes things bearable. i know my attitude hasnt been the best lately.(not the worst yet=x) thanks for tolerating my nonsense. Love you! *[[lenice]]*


came back from london on mon. met up with love for awhile before he has to go back to camp. These days i sent him to camp more than he sent me to the airport. But the trip home never seems to get better. everytime i tell myself i will see you soon.but how soon is the next question. Today met up with swit hart to go swimming although we talked more than we swim. After that we went for massage.=] and one sentence she said got stuck in my head "you are afraid to lose that person because he/she matters to you"
She never fails to make me think and today she made me realise maybe i changed.
i know i made alot of exceptions for him.
maybe what you think is gonna come true,
maybe someday what im afraid of will eventually happen,
maybe it wont be me giving up after all.
maybe im afraid that it will someday be too much for him
maybe all this will change when the situation change.
maybe when time passes, thing changes, we might just not be the same anymore.
maybe im being too rationale for my own good.
maybe im being too sensible about all this.
maybe sometimes im not expecting things like what other expect me to.
maybe i have never throw a tantrum to him.
maybe we have never quarrelled.
maybe for us, its all fast.
maybe he's gonna be alright without me.
maybe like you said, this all just might a game
maybe you think this relationship isnt good for me.
maybe sometimes im too strong on the outside yet a wreck inside,
maybe im not used to telling people what i feel inside,
maybe because im usually the one to not give a shit and this time it changed
maybe i dont dare to do or ask things because i dont want to know what is the answer maybe the balance is lost.
maybe the problem lies with me.
after a whole day of thinking, taking a step back to see things, im more than sure of what i should do. it really doesnt matter and the only reason i need is you. i wish i look this cute when i sulk i need you by my side cause im not strong enough without you.

i’m just who I am, who I suppose to be.
bold italic underline strike


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