Monday, March 21, 2011 2:29 AM
=[
On sat,1st time love didn't pick me up from the airport when he free. although i told him not to come. love, I'm still blaming it on the 1st mth syndrome.
spent sat afternoon watching fringe. At night,went to phuture with ben and kh.obviously we spent sun sleeping and watching more fringe. before love have to book in. sent him back to camp and then come home to realise I'm being called up. sian max.love never complained when i have stupid food craving like root beer float and then waffles. he will just get them for me.=] coincidentally, yesterday we went to phuture on the 19th. which is exactly one mth from the day we last went to. i guess now, phuture is kinda a special for me. it holds memories with love that can never be replace. im glad love remembered as well=]]because of the call up, it disrupted my roster and of course my plan with love.no adjustment bureau,no weekend,nothing. somehow somewhere something feels different. maybe because i sent love to camp then the ride home sucks and i come home to this. or maybe because these few days theres too much happening. or maybe the future doesnt look all that promising. or isit cause this time, i have no confidence at all. just like blank, i cant even tell myself its gonna be fast. i dont even know which is the day i should look forward to. partly because for these 2weeks, its all gonna be long flt away from sin and i know i wont be coming home to him.=[ i cant even begin to imagine what will happen if he ord.love, im glad you were there when i was snappy and just downright bitchy. i'm aware i'm too negative for my own good.thanks for listening. deep inside i trust you so much that my brain is telling me its suicide,then i get scared that im never good enough,that you can just walk away. i know even though we agreed it wont be a problem for us, sometimes you feel uneasy(cause if im you i'll probably act fine but start thinking negative). i know sometimes my respond may not be the best thing to do either.remember what you told me that trust isnt given,its earned? i will earn that trust. cause i wont cross that line, and i cant see myself with anyone else. maybe this period is a trial for us. to prove and know just how strong our love is, how much we can go through together. i know its difficult but im gonna convince myself that whatever that is gonna change, this love will stay the same. even though its killing me to go through this, im not letting go or running away like always, thats how much i love you, how much you mean to me.
*[[lenice]]*
-im afraid. to tell the truth.
