This trip, been thinking a lot. And realised I have more to fear than any other time. It's wanting to build something with you that scares me. It's not gonna be a Lego house where we can tear it down if it's wrong. With someone else, I can put in effort just to want to be together with them as long as I can. With you, I'm building something so much more than just a maybe perhaps we will spend the rest of our life Tgt. With you, I want to build the platform for the rest of our lives. And that's what freaks me out. Here I'm, talking about forever with someone, haven't I learnt nothing is guaranteed? The amount of emotions you stir within me, is already overwhelming for someone I'm not officially Tgt with.
I'm young,changes always comes with growth, I can be certain of what I want, I can say no matter how you change, I would still love you, but can you say the same?
Im afraid of building something with someone who might leave. So for now, I'm convincing myself that you are here to stay, for life.
And I promise I would give it my all for us to work. That's the only thing I can promise for sure


If given a chance Earlier, I would have jumped at it without second thought, but now I can't. Cause being Tgt means being responsible for the person's feelings 24/7. And I know same situation, I won't be able to understand too, although I won't say anything. HOWEVER, It's a chance outta hell hole. Know what that means? Any idea how happy the thought is?!


Someone recently asked me what is it that I want in life.
To be honest, get out of this shit hell hole.Just walk away.
To be specific, I just want my own life. A life where I don't have to be responsible for anyone else but me.
To be really frank, i just want to come home to someone. It the thought that you have someone who you can depend on. It's the thought that you have someone who you shares your life with. It's going home to somewhere where you know that someone is waiting for you just cause he/she wants to see you and not anything else.
In short, I just want someone to build a relationship with.

I always feel being surrounded and yet feels like I'm alone. Like people around you are just strangers, yet strangers you know. It's kinda selfish. Most people would love to have an emotional independent other half isn't it? Yet, sad to say, I'm just exactly the kind that drag you down through the shit with me.
Today, I asked myself, would I be able to depend on someone who would walk away from me. And I couldn't answer. Is this the person who I could trust? If he had thought about how it affects me before he did that, why did he still do it? It may be a small thing to everyone, but to me, its the feeling of being left alone behind.I have had enough people who walked away, I need someone who stays with me, no matter how hard it is to. Im asking for the impossible.


Went USS with ash love on our off day. I will let the pics do the talking. Cause there's just too much fun moments to write!


Came back from BNE with ash love at the airport. <3Was surprised to say he was there cause we didn't exactly part on a happy note. He gave me with this polar bear that's just so damn cute!

Besides that I came home to a brand new s95!! Wanted it for awhile but due to certain reasons I have never bear to splurge on it. Was damn damn ecstatic when I saw it just innocently sitting on my table. <3 you Vince!
Not forgetting my lovely set of crew who got me a card and some bubble tea.=]
And all the others who celebrated it with me!=]]]]


Had a birthday dinner with my family at some ulu place at sinming. We didn't book a place and it's full so we ended up at some corner where they set up a extra table.where it's a unique experience!

After that Imran came to pick me up. And he surprised me with balloon and keekeow wearing a birthday hat!<3 we met up with ade love at butter where we celebrated my birthday. Adam came to surprise me too!! Sooo happppyyyyy!!

Thanks 2/3 of my love for spending it with me!! Appreciate it lots!! The 1/3 of my love is currently lost in NRT. But I still got his wishes!<3


Went to sensation for a drink with the FSs on my FRA flt. Just nice she called another gs who I did a CDG with. And we have fun Tgt, until the singer started singing birthday song and they wanted me to go onto the stage, of course I refused. But then, after that was disaster when everyone wanted to have a drink with you. Left the Thai club high.
Was so tempted to just crash at his place but I didn't. It's knowing you have work the next day despite us wanting to make plans to celebrate my bdae Tgt. It's not that I don't understand that it was a last min thing. It's the fact that i have to be understanding about it all. I'm always gonna come after your work and entertainment, even when it's my birthday.It's the fact that I'm on my off day and you still have to work. You may be busy the whole day working, but just a text is too much to ask for? I need to have self respect for myself.



On this coming birthday, I just had to get myself something. So a picture and a card! My fave characters!<3


You may be far far far away from me, yet some how part of you are still beside me!=]]

i’m just who I am, who I suppose to be.
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